Potential for improvement: Make sure you’re wearing a hard hat, this place is a building site.
Recently improved: The current owner has a B&Q discount card and is not afraid to use it.
Bordering a popular area: But not actually in one? Expect to be mugged shortly after moving in, on the mile walk to the deli in the bordering nice area.
Courtyard garden: There’s room for a paving slab.
Sought-after area: People consistently pay too much to live here.
Well appointed: Um, we can’t think of anything factual to say about it.
Cosy: You will feel crowded if there are two of you in the property.
Many period features: There’s a reconstructed stone fireplace.
Up and coming area: Don’t go there at night if you value your life.
Deceptively spacious: Er, bigger than it looks from the photographs.
Would suit a DIY enthusiast: It’s not habitable and maybe never will be, but you can give it a go.
In need of modernisation: It needs ripping out and starting again.
Semi-rural location: It’s out in the badlands where only hillbillies and stray dogs live. If you listen closely you can hear the opening notes to the Deliverance tune.
Convenient for motorway access: Let’s hope you haven’t got cats or an allergy to traffic fumes. Invest in earplugs too.
Secluded: The local shop is half a day’s drive away.
Fantastic potential: Would fall over in a strong wind.
Well-stocked garden: People disappear in there for months at a time.
Designed for modern living: You can reach the fridge from the sofa.
